How to Make a Justice League Movie That Doesn’t Suck

As most of you know, I have a lot of opinions on a lot of topics. However, when it comes to this post, only one of those opinions matters: in the ongoing market share battle between Marvel and DC, Marvel is superior.

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Marvel (and by extension, Disney) have injected the vast Marvel Comic Universe into mainstream media so wholly and perfectly that they’re now able to make movies for lesser-known comics such as Guardians of the Galaxy…and people are excited. Meanwhile, DC and Warner Bros. are cleaning up from a(nother) failed Superman movie and plotting for yet another Batman reboot.

DC has good comics and strong characters, but only one hero from their extended universe has been able to successfully make the transition to the big screen, and if Marvel is at a point where an Ant Man movie is in the works, DC really needs to move past Gotham’s Dark Knight.

And they are. Or at least they’re trying to. Warner Bros. has several DC movies in production or planning, including Batman vs. Superman, The Justice League, and Wonder Woman. I’m excited that they’re (kind of) branching out, and am hopeful for their success, but I still think they’ll fall short of their Marvel counterparts.

My personal opinion as to why Marvel is the superior brand is that (aside from the outrageously obvious science fiction elements) Marvel is founded in reality. The heroes save places like Los Angeles and New York instead of Metropolis and Gotham, and face many of the same “mundane” problems the audience does like struggling with underemployment or mental illness. Their origin stories also hold a certain level of plausibility, having even extraterrestrial visitors based on real world mythology. Meanwhile, DC is a little more fantastical and often comes from places the audience can’t relate to, what with the Justice League being composed of an invincible alien, a rich guy with a utility belt, an alien, a merman, a guy that got struck by lightning, an alien, a member of an alien police corps, and a warrior princess of an immortal race of giant women, to name a few.

Now, I’m not suggesting that Marvel’s movies are perfect. Daredevil and Elektra, Ghost Rider, and Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer, were cringe-worthy at best, and we’re not going to talk about either of the Hulk movies. Ever. There’s a distinct lack of diversity in most of their films, and only eight of the thirty-four films released in the last fifteen years have passed the Bechdel Test, despite having strong female characters who are (for the most part) excellently written. A lot of people think they moved way too quickly to reboot Spiderman, although anyone who didn’t think Sam Raimi’s trilogy needed to be redone clearly wasn’t paying attention to Tobey Maguire’s facial expressions.

tobey-maguire-faces-collage-634

These are relatively small complaints, particularly in the wake of Marvel’s success at the box office.

I like superhero movies. I go to see movies to be entertained, and Marvel entertains me. I want DC to do the same, but they get too muddied in heavy back stories trying to find deeper meaning, and forget to have fun. I hear internet rumors of what Warner Bros. is planning for the Justice League movie, and I’m scared for the mess of dark angst it could easily become.

Basically, DC needs to take a page out of Marvel’s back issue and not take itself too seriously.

In order to do this, they need to perfect the cast of the Justice League movie. Luckily, Emily and I had an extensive conversation about just this, and have compiled a list of the Ultimate Tumblr Fangirl’s casting* for The Justice League.

*About 50% of these suggestions, much like my photoshopping skills aren’t necessarily serious.

 

Script

A movie is only as good as its script. The Avengers had Joss Whedon, The Justice League needs someone with equal nerd power. Neil Gaiman would bring the perfect mix of action, excitement, and fun along with the dark fantasy element for which he and DC are both so well known.

neilgaiman

 

 

Wonder Woman

I’m going to throw this down right now: Diana Prince should be in charge of the Justice League. She’s diplomatic, a complete bad ass, and has already proven herself to be a competent leader. She’s also gone wholly unrepresented since Linda Carter’s TV stint as the Amazonian princess. Who better to bring her back to the big screen than Gina Torres? If you think the answer is anyone else, go watch Firefly and Serenity, then answer the question again.

She is definitely going to need a redesigned costume, though. No woman with even the vaguest understanding of gravity who spends her free time literally flying around fighting crime would voluntarily wear a metal-trimmed tube top. She’ll be just as sexy with her shoulders covered, I promise.

wonderwoman

 

 

Power Girl

Speaking of costume redesigns, Karen Starr’s gaping cleavage hole is next on the list. Felicia Day, geek sweetheart and sci-fi sensation, will bring a tough-but-adorable performance to Superman’s cousin. Considering nearly everything Felicia has appeared in turns to ratings gold, as well as casting a well-known feminist to revamp a classically sexist role will be a double win for DC.

powergirl

 

 

The Flash

My extensive research of Barry Allen (which consists nearly exclusively of the JL8 webcomic) leads me to the conclusion that he’s a fanatical man-child with a massive case of ADHD. Following Marvel’s example of casting actors who secretly are their characters, Barry will be played by Chris Hardwick.

flash

 

 

Martian Manhunter

An alien with near-genius intellect who is the last of his species and carries that burden with heavy guilt? Not to typecast, but that sounds a lot like a certain Time Lord from the BBC. David Tennant with his native Scottish accent and a layer of green latex is an excellent choice for J’onn J’onzz, even if his heartbreaking look of survivor’s guilt may be less effective behind red contact lenses.

And yes, I am absolutely sticking to the insinuation that Martians have Scottish accents.

martianmanhunter

 

 

Aquaman

While extremely powerful in the depths of the ocean, Orin is rather useless on dry land. In order to get the most out of his superpowers, it makes sense to have him spend the majority of the movie either in open water or in a giant fish tank on wheels that gets carted into meetings. Because of the aquatic demand of the role, Michael Phelps will play the King of Atlantis.

aquaman

 

 

Batman

I’m sure I’ll get some hate for this, but: Bruce Wayne is the terrible DC version of Tony Stark. They’re both billionaire playboy philanthropists who had traumatic experiences that pushed them into a life of vigilante justice, but there’s one key difference: genius. While Bruce was stealing, borrowing, and secretly paying for the technology that arms his utility belt, Tony constructed a miniaturized self-sustaining energy source that saved his life and powered a nearly-invincible suit capable of flight and weaponized offensive and defensive strategies that he designed and built, in a cave in the desert. When Tony harnessed the power of an element he discovered to aid his impossibly high-tech suit and save hundreds of thousands of people, Bruce was applying heavy eyeliner and perfecting his Bat Voice™.

Yes, they’re different characters, and yes, Batman has redeeming qualities when it comes to his no killing code and tragic back story, but come on. Batman has starred or been featured in 250 movies, TV shows, and video games since 1989, and we’ve been beaten to death with his brooding angst of I-have-no-parents-I’m-not-the-hero-Gotham-deserves-I-only-dream-in-shades-of-black-and-very-dark-gray as he crouches in silhouette on a rooftop at night.

No more.

Batman will be portrayed by unknown Alex Kurt, will never remove his costume, and will not be trusted to make big decisions that affect anything, because this is the same hero who thought letting a pre-pubescent boy fight hardened criminals in a leotard was a good idea. He will mainly sit in the corner and occasionally wheeze out pearls of wisdom such as, “I’m not wearing hockey pants” in his gravelly Bat Voice™, along with the proclamation of being “the greatest detective in the world” when he reaches the same conclusion everyone else drew several minutes before.

batman

 

 

Green Lantern

The beauty of Green Lantern is that anyone can be one – as long as they have the will to do what’s right and fight for justice. It’s for this reason that there have been so many Green Lanterns throughout the years. It’s also for this reason there will be multiple Green Lanterns in The Justice League. Jason Momoa, Ben Affleck, Henry Cavill, Gal Godot, and Terry Crews will portray Hal Jordan, Guy Gardener, Kyle Raynor, Arisia, and John Stewart, and rotate as the Justice League’s lantern du jour in every scene. The rapid switching of the lanterns will prove to annoy the hell out of the other Justice League members, except for Batman, who never seems to notice they change.

greenlantern3

greenlantern2

greenlantern1

greenlantern4

FOX 2103 Programming Presentation Post-Party

 

 

Superman

And what about the Man of Steel, the face of the Justice League, Mr. Clark Kent himself?

Yeah, about that.

There can’t be a movie about the Justice League without Superman, but there seems to be an unavoidable trend with movies featuring Superman: they suck.

The solution we came up with for this catch-22 is to feature Superman as a character without ever showing him on screen. Every time he’s needed, it would be revealed he just left the very same room as the other characters, like a dramatically extended 90’s sitcom. Any pivotal scenes or major battles would coincide with Lois Lane finding herself in mortal peril, or Clark needing to make a deadline for The Daily Planet.

Diana soon gets fed up with his irresponsible multi-tasking, takes control of the Justice League, and stops inviting him to things.

superman

 

That’s it. That’s the foolproof recipe to make The Justice League a smashing success. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be waiting for my phone to ring with a job offer from Warner Bros.

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Taylor Swift Doesn’t Like You When You’re 23

It’s no secret that I’m not the biggest fan of Taylor Swift.

TSwift
Her behavior goes beyond entitled teen pop sensation and actually borders on that of a sociopathic serial killer, ahem, dater. We enable this because it  keeps resulting in stupidly catchy music, and like a horrific traffic accident, no one can pull themselves away from the soap opera that is Taylor Swift’s dating life.

Nailed it.

I digress. This is not a hate post on Taylor. There’ll be plenty of time for that after she’s sued for musical harassment and nailed with a bunch of restraining orders. This is a post about reality. Her newest hit single off her album Red is entitled “22”. Red is responsible for such earworms as “I Knew You Were Trouble” (you really have no one to blame but yourself here) and “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together” (you must be so over it if you wrote this song to prove it). Bridget had told me that the first time she heard “22” she hated it, but after that she loved it. Bridget is a dance coach – it’s kind of her job to have good taste in music – so I listened to it.
Then I listened to it again.
Then, for good measure, I listened to it one more time.

Typically when you listen to a Taylor Swift song three times in a row the song becomes permanently scorched into your internal soundtrack that plays when you analyze your life choices (luckily I’ve avoided this phenomenon so my personal reflections only invoke Carmina Burana: O Fortuna). However,  listening to “22” three times in a row resulted in me wanting to beat Taylor over the head with my college diploma and stack of car payments.

The theme of “22” is – similarly to all of her songs – a special boy who makes her feel warm and fuzzy inside, which she equates to being 22 years old. In the Taylorverse, being 22 is a fairytale come to life, full of magic and dreams and fireworks and dancing and, of course, love. There aren’t problems or worries or sad, rainy days.
22 is The Best Thing Ever!

Admittedly, 22 would be pretty kick ass with that unicorn.

As someone who has just spent 364 consecutive days being 22, I can assure you this is not the case.
Which reminds me, this is my birthday post.
Don’t worry, I’m not going to go all sad clown and lament with pitiful angst how being 22 ruined my life. Given my life experience to date, I doubt 22 will be my worst year ever (here’s looking at you, forty), but it was absolutely not a fairytale.

See, being 22 isn’t realizing that “everything will be alright if I’m next to [a boyfriend I haven’t gotten tired of yet].” Being 22 is realizing that you’re expected to be an adult, but absolutely no one is going to treat you like one. Yes, no one wants to listen to a song about the harsh reality of growing up and going out into the real world, but Taylor used her Get-Out-of-Bullshit-Free card when she tried to convince everyone that Romeo and Juliet had a happy ending.

When Shakespeare said “heartbreak” he meant with a dagger. A literal one.

At 22, young kids acknowledge that you’re older than them, but not as old as their parents which voids your authority. The same goes for middle and high schoolers. College students see you as a peer, which is fair since you probably spent at least a portion of 22 still in college. Older twenty-somethings think it’s adorable that you think you’re a real person, which is painfully reminiscent of being a freshman. Finally, anyone over the age of thirty will act like you have the attention span and understanding of an infantile gnat while giving you the responsibilities and pressures of a very human adult.

Of course there are exceptions to every single thing I just said, but if Taylor Swift gets to write blanket statements that every relationship is one for the ages and every break-up should have killed her, I get to write a blanket statement that 22 is the great void between universes.

Shameless plug!

22 is volatile. The first few months is the last time in your life that the only thing you have to worry about is studying for a test and what you’re going to wear out to the bars on Friday night.

Then life starts.

22 is when people move out on their own and start not just jobs, but careers. New cars are bought, mortgages to buy houses are borrowed, and student loan payments are collected. People get engaged and married and start having kids at 22. And while all that’s happening, strangers trying to make small talk on the train ask you if you’ve decided what college you want to go to next year.

Now do I really think 23 is going to loads better than 22?
Of course not, but at least Blink-182 already set my musical expectations for the next year: “nobody likes you when you’re 23.”

22 is a confusing, chaotic, and frustrating 365 days. So actually, it kind of makes sense why Taylor would relate it to one of her relationships.

The Best of 2012

Some of my more astute readers may point out that I’m a few weeks behind on commemorating 2012. To them I say, get over it. I have a life, you know.

Shut up, yes I do.

I don’t even believe me.

Besides, given my propensity to go for increasingly longer periods of time without posting anything, the fact that I’m writing at all should be enough of a distraction from being 23 days off the ball. Sorry you’ve had to make due with archives since April.

(If anyone was wondering, no, I still don’t know who signed me up for Match.com, yes, I’m still getting semi-creepy e-mails from it every day, and no, I haven’t caved into the temptation of bacon — I just celebrated my one year mark for becoming vegan.)

I’ll cut myself off now, since I really shouldn’t delay this any more than I already have. Please to enjoy, in chronological order, the Top 12 Moments of 2012.
1.       San Francisco

I already did a post on this, so I’ll keep it to highlights:

Class trip for business tours (learning!)
Alcatraz and Pebble Beach (sight-seeing!)
Computer History Museum (full-fledged geek-out!)
Stole a bike at Google Headquarters (photographed by Asian tourists!)
Free wine (learning!)

Mostly it was California in January. 

Beat that, Midwest.

2.       Green Mile

Ah, St. Patrick’s Day. I’d launch into an impassioned speech about the historical meaning of the holiday and its significance in Ireland, but I know that none of you care.

March 17th is a bit different when celebrated in the motherland, which really isn’t a terrible thing. In 2011, I witnessed a bizarre-ish cultural parade. In 2012, I witnessed Part Two of the greatest Struggle Bus Loras has ever seen.

It’s so beautiful.

The genius minds behind organizing and orchestrating our Homecoming Miracle Mile created the first-ever Green Mile, and proved that when it comes to bringing people together for day drinking and block parties, lightning can indeed strike twice (as can random Frisbees to the face, which I also had the misfortune of learning that day).

Slainte!

It was a gorgeous day, and a complete blast. I’m not sure if the parents of all the high school students who were touring that day, however, felt the same way.

 

3.       Las Vegas

Vegas!

Just…Vegas.

I will say that Libby has to be my favorite person to travel with, because every time we travel anywhere, something like this happens.

And it’s great.

Also this is going in again, because this post is unofficially sponsored by abs.

All the abs.

 

4.       Xanadu

Oh, Xanadu. 


Easily the most ridiculously outlandish stage production I have ever been involved in (yes, including that time I was a dancing cow), I am still beyond proud of how hard everyone worked and how amazing it turned out.

Special thanks to the horse.

I miss being involved with choreography and theater like crazy. So Mr. Sawyer, if you’re reading this, I know you’re doing Hairspray this year. I know there’s a ton of awesome dance numbers in that show. And I know I can only send so many e-mails about being available to help out before I start coming off as a crazy person.

But seriously, I’d love to help out.

 

5.       Graduation

We did it!

Four years later, and all I got was a diploma for my Bachelor of Science in Management of Information Systems. OK, that’s a pretty good trade-off.

I even behaved during the ceremony.

Mostly.

6.       McGladrey

I started my big girl job in June.

After some shuffling between teams based on project availability, I’m now (happily!) a permanent member of the NetSuite team as an IT Business Solutions Consulting Associate.

I also have some really fantastic coworkers, which makes it fun to go to work. That’s not to say they’re better than coworkers I’ve had elsewhere, there’s just a much higher ratio of awesome ones at McGladrey.

Anyway, I think this all means I’m a grown-up now. 

Yikes.

 

7.       Guinness

On the off chance you haven’t been on Facebook since July and haven’t seen the obscene amount of photos I’ve posted since then, I am the proud owner of an Irish Terrier puppy named Guinness, who is now almost nine months old.

Guinness at 10 wks.

They say dogs take after their owners. She’s got red hair, long legs, loves beer, doesn’t always listen well, and can be very dramatic. I’m assuming they’re talking about all that, and not her magnificent beard.

Hopefully.

 

8.       Schaumburg

Part of my grown-up job was my first grown-up business trip!

Granted, it was a Consulting New Hire Conference, so it felt slightly more like college orientation than an actual business trip.

Managerial synergy!

I spent a week in Schaumburg, learned about business cases and etiquette, made some awesome business contacts for later down the line, and got to make a Build-a-Bear for a sick kid in a hospital. 

I’ll chalk that up for a win.

 

9.       Homecoming

Hey there, Dubuque. We[were] baaaaaaaaaaaaaack!

The American Lady missed us.

I now understand (even more!) the big deal about Homecoming. I missed my people. A lot. I also missed Dubuque, and campus (read: Fat’s), and downtown (read: Lounge, Busted, Mason, Paul’s, etc.). Mostly my people, though.

And in true Loras form, we went to Gin’s on Friday and had to catch the Struggle Bus to the tailgate.

 

10.   Wedding

As an infamous pirate once said, “A wedding? I love weddings! Drinks all around!”

There were plenty of drinks all around. Drinks everywhere, actually. We’re talking about the Thynes.

My super awesome cousin got married to an equally awesome guy, in a fantastically awesome ceremony in October.

Awesome!

What can I say? I love weddings, and I love seeing my family. Particularly in a partying environment. Plus for once in my life, my hand-eye coordination didn’t completely fail me.

Either that or it was the shoes.

Congratulations, Dave and Keri!

 

11.   Who-fest (Part I, II, III, IV)

I’m not going to waste my time educating all of you about what is easily the greatest show to ever grace the airwaves, or the fact that it’s currently celebrating its 50th anniversary of existence, or even that it provides me with legitimate cosplay options now that Harry Potter is done premiering things.

Shout-out to Halloween!

No, I’m just going to say that I thoroughly enjoyed all the nights that I spent with my other geeky, Doctor Who obsessed friends watching the premieres of new episodes, our favorite old episodes, and bouncing insane theories off each other all while draining an excessive number of wine bottles.

And aside from the Bad Wolf cake incident, we always have a ridiculously fun time because being a geek is amazing, albeit sometimes slightly frightening.

“Lindsay, I’m so sorry. Your fan has two shadows.”

 

12.   Christmas

Four words: Remote controlled flying shark.

Merry Christmas!

 

Veganism. Because why not?

That’s right. Veganism. Not vegetarian, vegan.

I decided to become a vegan shortly after the new year, and have been doing pretty well with it for almost five month now. For those of you who are unfamiliar with what the lifestyle entails, it basically means no animal products or by-products.

The obvious things from that are meat (all meat — white, red, fish, whatever), dairy (cheese, milk, cream, butter, etc.), and eggs, and of course anything that contains those things. There’s more though — things that you’ve never thought of. Things like L-Cysteine, a dough conditioner found in some bagels and other baked goods that’s derived from duck feathers. Or marshmallows and Jell-O, or anything else containing gelatin, which is made from horse hooves. And anything with the red food dye known as carmine, which is made from crushed coccus beetles (don’t worry, red dye #40 is made from coal tar).

Tasty, tasty coal tar.

My point is there’s a lot of stuff in our food that we don’t know about, which brings me to answer the question I can see forming in all of you minds: WHY ON EARTH ARE YOU DOING THIS TO YOURSELF??!?!

I get it. We’re all raised as red blooded Americans who like our meat seared, our eggs fried, our cheese creamy, and our beer cold. I won’t pretend it hasn’t been a difficult journey, either. I like food. I like food a lot. But that doesn’t change the fact that I have several reasons to support my decision, and none of them include becoming a dirty hippie.

Sorry Mo.

For one, there is a definite health aspect to becoming vegan. With a family history of high cholesterol, high blood pressure, diabetes, and heart disease, stopping eating some of the leading causes of those can’t be a bad idea. I really don’t want to be on cholesterol medication for the rest of my life, and eating soyburgers is actually a pretty decent alternative.

That helps too — I enjoy tofu and tempeh and soy cheese and almond milk. I’m good with eating fruit for breakfast, a veggie wrap for lunch, and stir-frying tofu cubes in grape seed oil with peppers and mushrooms for dinner. I know some of you are cringing reading that, and I can’t lie — you could probably never be vegan. There’s nothing wrong with that, it’s not for everyone. Some people could never give up chocolate or cheese, just like I couldn’t imagine going back from vegan cookie dough or Fakin’ Bacon.

Mmm...tempacon.

I already mentioned the biggest thing though, and that’s that we really have no idea what’s in our food. Seriously, when’s the last time you read an ingredient label and not only knew how to pronounce everything listed, but actually knew what everything was? Taking into account that there really aren’t a lot of regulations in the food industry (seriously there isn’t — did you know Splenda contains trace amounts of arsenic and heavy metals?), I’m kind of over just putting things into my mouth without thinking about it.

So now I’m thinking about it. As a vegan.

And how delicious it is.

2011: Year of the Blog

2011 is finally over, and I’ve got to say I’m exhausted. It’s been a crazy busy year.

2011 was the year of study abroad! Living in Ireland for five months and running into all sorts of shenanigans (possible Irish pun intended). 2011 was the year of new experiences and cultures!

Culture!

2011 was the year I traveled to eleven different countries and took thousands of pictures of architecture and historic sites and breathtaking landscapes…and a quite a few shenanigans (domestic as well as international).

2011 was the year of the 5K. I finally joined the ranks of the nut jobs I’m related to who run farther than most people would drive in a month, and I’m actually having fun. Stay tuned for 2012, year of the 10K.

2011 was the year I was introduced to corporate America, in a manner of speaking. Interning at a Fortune 500 company put me in a cubicle for a 40 hour work week (an adjustment from nannying), but something tells me that Katy Perry concerts and team scavenger hunts won’t be a staple in my adult work life.

Nor booze cruises.

2011 was the year of family. With my parents spending 10 days with me in Ireland, my brother living at home after he came home from Kenya, my grandma spending a few weeks with us before and after her trip to Africa, and me visiting my aunts and cousins near Chicago, it was also the year of fractured family vacations.

2011 was the year of the upgraded cabin. New siding, new deck, same people and beer. OK, it’s not much of an upgrade, but does a cabin really need to be upgraded?

I don't think so.

2011 was the year of the Miracle Mile, a senior homecoming tradition where we start drinking at 7:00am. The cultural significance behind this is that it’s homecoming, and we start drinking at 7:00am.

2011 was the beginning of my senior year, my induction to Neighbor Nights, and an amazing time with great friends.

2011 was the year when reality started to set in, and I discovered I might actually be turning into an adult. And that I’m OK with that. I learned so much from so many different sources this year, and I can’t say I’ve regretted a single second of it.

2011 was the year I kept all of you up to date with whatever it is I do with my life on a day-to-day basis. 2011 is the year I started blogging, but more importantly, 2011 is the year you started reading.

Happy 2012, everybody.

The Greatest Playlist Ever Made

All summer while I was working, I got into a routine for what I would listen to on the computer to break up the monotony of my cubicle. (I’ll let my sharp readers point out the irony of that last sentence)
In the morning I always listened to the KQRS morning show online because it’s my absolute favorite thing currently played on the radio, and once it was over at 9:20, I’d continue to listen to the classic rock on the station until Wally Walker or the Zero Rez commercials started to annoy me, and I’d switch to Pandora.

We get it, it's spelled the same forward and backward.

For those of you who don’t know what Pandora is (I know at least a handful of my readers don’t venture out into the internet very much), it’s an online radio program that lets you create your own channels — you type in a song or artist that you like, and it plays that as well as similar songs or artists. You can like or dislike songs, and it tries different things based on those preferences. You can also skip songs that you don’t dislike, but might not want to listen to, but it limits the number of songs you can skip per hour. As you might imagine, this can get a little tricky and I’ve come to the conclusion that Pandora is not actually a complex algorithm, but some jerk with the sense of humor of a 14 year old boy. There’s no other explanation as to why three songs from Grease would pop up in under an hour on a Fleetwood Mac channel, or an Adele channel would have so much Lil’ Wayne, or why it insisted I listen to Sweet Dreams by the Eurythmics every time I had the Hans Zimmer channel on.

Yes, I have a Hans Zimmer channel on Pandora.

What of it?

At first I thought it was some kind of fluke, but it continued happening all but one time I had it on. The exception was my very last day of work, which really confirms my theory that it’s an actual person and not just spotty coding. I never used Pandora before this summer, and rather then let me leave Securian thinking of how random and stupid it was with its song
selection, it purposely gave me the World’s Most Amazing Playlist so I would want to come back and listen forever!

FOREVER.

It worked. Not only was it the best playlist ever, The Playlist was magical. Not in the “Disneyland-is-a-magical-place-full-of-children’s-wishes” sense, but in the “knew-exactly-what-song-I-wanted-to-listen-to-and-played-it-immediately” sense. So this con-artist jerk (who I imagine is sitting on an enormous pile of CDs laughing and laughing at his abominable creation far below) is actually a con-artist jerk wizard. And I hate him.

Oh, how I hate him.

Because now I’m going to keep going back no matter how many times it tries to make me like Third Eye Blind with the hope that maybe this will be the time I get a repeat of The Playlist, which I know will never happen. Unless I somehow manage to get on his good side, but does a con-artist jerk wizard even have a good side? Maybe I should try blackmail. So if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to look for compromising evidence against someone that may very well be a figment of my over-caffeinated imagination. Below of course is The Playlist. Please to enjoy.

The Fame – Lady Gaga
The Way I Am – Ingrid Michaelson
Animal – Glee Cast
I Feel it All – Feist
Starstruck – Lady Gaga
Crash Into Me – Dave Matthews Band
Brick by Boring Brick – Paramore
1, 2, 3, 4 – Plain White Tees
Telephone – Lady Gaga
Jar of Hearts – Christina Perri
Falling in Love at a Coffee Shop – Landon Pigg
Don’t You Want Me – Glee Cast
Edge of Glory – Lady Gaga
Rabbit Heart (Raise It Up) – Florence and the Machine
Like We’re Dying – Kris Allen
Emergency – Paramore
What I’ve Done – Linkin Park
Hey, Soul Sister – Glee Cast
Rolling in the Deep – Adele
Look After You – The Fray
The Only Exception – Paramore
Mad World – Alex Parks
Rumour Has It – Adele
Hot ‘N’ Cold – Katy Perry
Singing in the Rain/Umbrella – Glee Cast
Untouched – The Veronicas
Chasing Pirates – Norah Jones
Hometown Glory – Adele
Where I Stood – Missy Higgins
Dog Days Are Over – Florence and the Machine
Waking Up In Vegas – Katy Perry
Sympathy – The Goo Goo Dolls
Ignorance – Paramore
Broken – Lifehouse
Love Song (Acoustic) – Sarah Bareilles
Better Days – The Goo Goo Dolls
Tik Tok – Ke$ha
9 Crimes – Damien Rice
Be Ok – Ingrid Michaelson
When I Grow Up – Pussycat Dolls
Chasing Cars – Snow Patrol
We Looked Like Giants – Death Cab for Cutie
White Houses – Vanessa Carlton
Brown Eyed Girl – Van Morrison
Near to You – A Fine Frenzy
Sweeter & Sweeter – Alex Parks
Again – Flyleaf
Misery Business – Paramore
Born This Way – Lady Gaga
Amy – Britney Spears
I’m Yours – Jason Mraz
Raise Your Glass – P!nk
Boys Boys Boys – Lady Gaga
Lover Lay Down – Dave Matthews Band
Smile – Lily Allen
Money Honey – Lady Gaga
Don’t Know Why – Norah Jones
Sleepyhead – Passion Pit
Carolina – Benjamin Gibbard
Paparazzi – Lady Gaga
Wake Up – Arcade Fire
Such Great Heights – The Postal Service
Gravity – Sara Bareilles
The Scientist – Coldplay
Like a G6 – Far East Movement
Dream – Priscilla Ahn
Shut Up and Let Me Go – The Ting Things
Hallelujah – John Cale
Minority – Green Day
So What – P!nk
3 – Britney Spears
Thriller/Heads Will Roll – Glee Cast
I Do Not Hook Up – Kelly Clarkson
Forget You – Cee Lo
Kiss with a Fist – Florence and the Machine
Bad Romance – Lady Gaga
ET – Katy Perry
Take Me or Leave Me – Glee Cast
Moves Like Jagger – Maroon 5
Ordinary Day – Vanessa Carlton
Cable Car (Over My Head) – The Fray
Hey There, Delilah – Plain White Tees
Unpretty – Glee Cast
Judas – Lady Gaga

You may notice that this is quite a few songs. Part of that is because it’s about five hours worth of music, but that kind of adds to the greatness.
And feel free to make fun of any part of my taste in artists, but please note that there’s not even one Nickelback on here.