The Greatest Playlist Ever Made

All summer while I was working, I got into a routine for what I would listen to on the computer to break up the monotony of my cubicle. (I’ll let my sharp readers point out the irony of that last sentence)
In the morning I always listened to the KQRS morning show online because it’s my absolute favorite thing currently played on the radio, and once it was over at 9:20, I’d continue to listen to the classic rock on the station until Wally Walker or the Zero Rez commercials started to annoy me, and I’d switch to Pandora.

We get it, it's spelled the same forward and backward.

For those of you who don’t know what Pandora is (I know at least a handful of my readers don’t venture out into the internet very much), it’s an online radio program that lets you create your own channels — you type in a song or artist that you like, and it plays that as well as similar songs or artists. You can like or dislike songs, and it tries different things based on those preferences. You can also skip songs that you don’t dislike, but might not want to listen to, but it limits the number of songs you can skip per hour. As you might imagine, this can get a little tricky and I’ve come to the conclusion that Pandora is not actually a complex algorithm, but some jerk with the sense of humor of a 14 year old boy. There’s no other explanation as to why three songs from Grease would pop up in under an hour on a Fleetwood Mac channel, or an Adele channel would have so much Lil’ Wayne, or why it insisted I listen to Sweet Dreams by the Eurythmics every time I had the Hans Zimmer channel on.

Yes, I have a Hans Zimmer channel on Pandora.

What of it?

At first I thought it was some kind of fluke, but it continued happening all but one time I had it on. The exception was my very last day of work, which really confirms my theory that it’s an actual person and not just spotty coding. I never used Pandora before this summer, and rather then let me leave Securian thinking of how random and stupid it was with its song
selection, it purposely gave me the World’s Most Amazing Playlist so I would want to come back and listen forever!


It worked. Not only was it the best playlist ever, The Playlist was magical. Not in the “Disneyland-is-a-magical-place-full-of-children’s-wishes” sense, but in the “knew-exactly-what-song-I-wanted-to-listen-to-and-played-it-immediately” sense. So this con-artist jerk (who I imagine is sitting on an enormous pile of CDs laughing and laughing at his abominable creation far below) is actually a con-artist jerk wizard. And I hate him.

Oh, how I hate him.

Because now I’m going to keep going back no matter how many times it tries to make me like Third Eye Blind with the hope that maybe this will be the time I get a repeat of The Playlist, which I know will never happen. Unless I somehow manage to get on his good side, but does a con-artist jerk wizard even have a good side? Maybe I should try blackmail. So if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to look for compromising evidence against someone that may very well be a figment of my over-caffeinated imagination. Below of course is The Playlist. Please to enjoy.

The Fame – Lady Gaga
The Way I Am – Ingrid Michaelson
Animal – Glee Cast
I Feel it All – Feist
Starstruck – Lady Gaga
Crash Into Me – Dave Matthews Band
Brick by Boring Brick – Paramore
1, 2, 3, 4 – Plain White Tees
Telephone – Lady Gaga
Jar of Hearts – Christina Perri
Falling in Love at a Coffee Shop – Landon Pigg
Don’t You Want Me – Glee Cast
Edge of Glory – Lady Gaga
Rabbit Heart (Raise It Up) – Florence and the Machine
Like We’re Dying – Kris Allen
Emergency – Paramore
What I’ve Done – Linkin Park
Hey, Soul Sister – Glee Cast
Rolling in the Deep – Adele
Look After You – The Fray
The Only Exception – Paramore
Mad World – Alex Parks
Rumour Has It – Adele
Hot ‘N’ Cold – Katy Perry
Singing in the Rain/Umbrella – Glee Cast
Untouched – The Veronicas
Chasing Pirates – Norah Jones
Hometown Glory – Adele
Where I Stood – Missy Higgins
Dog Days Are Over – Florence and the Machine
Waking Up In Vegas – Katy Perry
Sympathy – The Goo Goo Dolls
Ignorance – Paramore
Broken – Lifehouse
Love Song (Acoustic) – Sarah Bareilles
Better Days – The Goo Goo Dolls
Tik Tok – Ke$ha
9 Crimes – Damien Rice
Be Ok – Ingrid Michaelson
When I Grow Up – Pussycat Dolls
Chasing Cars – Snow Patrol
We Looked Like Giants – Death Cab for Cutie
White Houses – Vanessa Carlton
Brown Eyed Girl – Van Morrison
Near to You – A Fine Frenzy
Sweeter & Sweeter – Alex Parks
Again – Flyleaf
Misery Business – Paramore
Born This Way – Lady Gaga
Amy – Britney Spears
I’m Yours – Jason Mraz
Raise Your Glass – P!nk
Boys Boys Boys – Lady Gaga
Lover Lay Down – Dave Matthews Band
Smile – Lily Allen
Money Honey – Lady Gaga
Don’t Know Why – Norah Jones
Sleepyhead – Passion Pit
Carolina – Benjamin Gibbard
Paparazzi – Lady Gaga
Wake Up – Arcade Fire
Such Great Heights – The Postal Service
Gravity – Sara Bareilles
The Scientist – Coldplay
Like a G6 – Far East Movement
Dream – Priscilla Ahn
Shut Up and Let Me Go – The Ting Things
Hallelujah – John Cale
Minority – Green Day
So What – P!nk
3 – Britney Spears
Thriller/Heads Will Roll – Glee Cast
I Do Not Hook Up – Kelly Clarkson
Forget You – Cee Lo
Kiss with a Fist – Florence and the Machine
Bad Romance – Lady Gaga
ET – Katy Perry
Take Me or Leave Me – Glee Cast
Moves Like Jagger – Maroon 5
Ordinary Day – Vanessa Carlton
Cable Car (Over My Head) – The Fray
Hey There, Delilah – Plain White Tees
Unpretty – Glee Cast
Judas – Lady Gaga

You may notice that this is quite a few songs. Part of that is because it’s about five hours worth of music, but that kind of adds to the greatness.
And feel free to make fun of any part of my taste in artists, but please note that there’s not even one Nickelback on here.